


If I loved you

by remusmoonyblack-lupin (moonlightgalleon)



Category: How to Get Away with Murder
Genre: Actor Connor, Actor Oliver, Angst, M/M, Post Break-up, Show AU, tags will be updated as we go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-08-08 22:33:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7776280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlightgalleon/pseuds/remusmoonyblack-lupin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oliver and Connor are co-stars on a show. They have to set their break up aside to get through their on-screen relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I loved you

Oliver cursed for the upteenth time as he made his way to the studio. Honestly, even though he knew there was not much he could do to escape filming, he felt angry and stupid about the whole situation. Today was the first day of filming for the season three. Their show was doing quite well. In fact, his on-screen relationship with Connor was loved by the fans. To be honest, he had been on tumblr and ao3 (he’s a nerd as well. He couldn’t help it. He’d read and written  _ Johnlock, Drarry and Wolfstar _ fanfiction. Something that Connor had teased him endlessly about when he had learnt about it) and the amount of gifs, fanart and fanfiction of them was huge.

 

He could only be grateful at that moment that him and Connor hadn’t made their relationship public. The mess with the media would have been just awful and he was not sure he would have been able to handle it and not just drop the series and leave. The breakup itself was hard and having the public scrutinizing every of their interaction both on and off screen would have been too much for him. Just the thought of it made him sigh as he walked.

 

Everything had been pretty fine in season one. True, he felt his breath leaving his body when he saw Connor for the first time and realised that they would kiss and make-out and be naked and all that on screen had got him pretty weak in the knees at that moment. Then, as they continued shooting, they got used to each other, became friends and the chemistry between them was really good. So good that they had their own tag on ao3 after the third episode. In fact, him and Connor had read some fics together because even though they did not like watching what the final episode looked like, they appreciated spending time together. It had become a thing between them-Connor showing up on Thursday evenings or nights and staying at his the whole night. They’d answer tweets as though they were not sitting close to each other, their thighs pressing against each other, their shoulders accidentally and purposely brushing. Or sometimes, Connor would abandon all pretense and just plonk his head on Oliver and demand head massages or cuddles. Oliver had been feeling the pleasant and warm stirring in his gut, calling him on the beginning of a crush.

 

Even at that time he realised that the crush was stupid. They were working together and his crush would probably destroy their whole dynamic. Except, Connor felt the same thing. It would have been a usual  _ TGIT  _ night with some  _ Falamora  _ fanfiction (The fans came up with that name because apparently it’s difficult to make a ship name with their characters’ first name: Jack and Conrad) and maybe some tumblr and twitter. In fact, they had been sitting on the couch, all snuggled under a fluffy duvet, their legs tangled (Oliver realised that this might not be exactly platonic but he felt too comfortable and warm to move). They were reading a pretty well written fanfic when their attention moved from the laptop’s screen to each other and the next second, all they knew was that they were kissing within an inch of their life. It was nothing like the face-rubbing thing that would happen when they were filming, where they were interrupted every five second to adjust some light filters or some shit.  This time, they were kissing like they meant it. It was all heat and tongues and hands in hair.

 

They kept their relationship pretty secret then. Some people on the set were aware of it but apart from that, it was pretty much confidential. And that was what broke them. Connor continuously wanted to go public while Oliver wanted things to be just between them. To be honest, his previous relationship had been with a fairly well known actor and it all went to shit. The fact that their relationship was public made the break-up loud, all over the tabloids and some people even tried to hack into his twitter and email. He was even stalked at one point by his ex’s fans.

 

The fights between him and Connor finally got too much and they broke up-just weeks ago.

 

_ “Come on Ollie,” Connor pleaded. The younger man is sitting pretty close to him, his eyes hopeful and maybe slightly resentful. They’ve had this argument so many times before that it seemed rehearsed these days. “We’ve been together almost two years. We...don’t you think we could just tweet-” _

 

_ “Connor please,” his voice was hard as he interrupted Connor. They both had been relaxed, content even with Connor’s head on Oliver’s lap. The older man had some fingers carding through those dark locks while reading his emails and Connor was watching television. That is, until Connor just asked that question out of nowhere, taking Oliver by surprise. He moved from his position, sitting straight and saw the other man mimicking his posture. He felt defensive. Connor had asked him that question so many times before. And now, he felt like an asshole for snapping at him , and yet could not help himself as he continued anyway. “Why do you need us to be public? Is that some kind of fetish or are you just with me for the-” _

 

_ Connor recoiled as if slapped. “Stop it, you know it’s not like that,” he hissed. Taking a deep breath he continued in a soft voice as his eyes filled with tears.  “I love you Oliver that is why I-” _

 

_ “If you really loved me then why? Why isn’t this enough for you?” He knew he was being unreasonable. That small voice reminding him was quickly hushed by the memory of the constant fear of being stalked. Of continuously looking behind him as he walked. He felt his insides clench painfully as he said the next words. “I think we should… stop if we can’t agree on this,” he said quietly. His voice was cracked and he felt his eyes filling up with unshed tears. He rose from the couch and went into their room. He wanted to gather his mind just for a second but heard the other man coming after him seconds after. _

 

_ Connor had fought, demanding to stay, both of them saying things they didn’t mean, their faces twisted in pain and rage. They were both crying by the time Connor left. _

 

After that episode, Oliver did not know how he was supposed to when he saw Connor again. Greet him like a friend or ignore him. Mentioning that Oliver stalked his instagram and twitter account over the past weeks would probably not be a good idea. Not because he thought Connor would leak everything on the Internet, but mostly because he missed him. Terribly. He hated that his bed felt empty, that his flat looked awfully empty. He missed Connor’s clothes lying messily on the floor, he missed their playful bickering in the morning, he missed so much.

 

He fought the urge to just run back home when he finally arrived. It was just a table read today and trying on some costumes. Thankfully there should not be any physical interaction between the two of them. He greeted most of the cast and the producer while his eyes were swiping over the room looking for a familiar head. He did not find him and found himself disappointed. He was just settling on the furthest  corner of the table- everyone else was already seated- when  _ he  _ arrived.

 

Connor still looked as glorious as ever. Still fucking gorgeous. So beautiful that Oliver felt his breath catching at the sight of the man. It was only then that he realised how much he missed him. Connor with his expressive brown eyes, his messy  wild hair, his pretty lips. He still looked like  _ his Connor  _ and yet different. He had dark circles around his eyes, his mouth was set in a frown-he looked sad and small. So vulnerable that all Oliver wanted was to hold him.

 

Connor’s eyes met his almost immediately. They stared at each other until Oliver remembered they broke up and he doesn’t get to look at those chocolate eyes now. The table read went pretty well. He could feel Connor’s eyes sometimes on him, but he did his best to ignore them.

  
“...okay so there has been some set issues for this season. So some of you will have to share dressing room and all that. Connor and Oliver you’ll be together. You were practically spending all your time in only one dressing room before. So I don’t think that’ll be an issue. Michaela and….” Pete was still going but Oliver had tuned him out. So he’ll be with Connor. The one person he wanted to avoid. Great. It’s going to be a  _ great  _ season.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm thinking of making this a multi chaptered fic.  
> On another note, come say hi on my tumblr: remusmoonyblack-lupin


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